Students To Defend Themselves…With Soup Cans


Students To Defend Themselves…With Soup Cans

We all know that, in emergencies, people resort to strange but effective means in order to survive. A story broke recently about a woman whose tight party dress saved her life in an accident. Small women inexplicably lift vehicles to save their children. But these strange actions are employed out of necessity, not careful planning.

That’s why so many of us laughed when the Department of Homeland Security recommended that, instead of being armed in the workplace, people stand ready to fend off armed attackers with office supplies. “Use a stapler or a three-hole punch to defend yourself against someone with a semi-automatic weapon,” they said. “It will be fun and effective,” they said.

And just when we thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous…

Several schools across the United States, including W. F. Burns Middle School in Valley, Alabama, have implemented a new student defense program. Upon their return to classes after Christmas break, students were sent home with a parental notice requesting that each student bring a canned food item to school.

The canned food will go to a local food pantry…eventually. Between now and the end of the school year, however, those cans will remain within reach at each student’s desk. The students will participate in drills during which they will be instructed how to attempt to distract or disable an armed attacker with those cans.

We hope the canned food items will never be used or needed.

Well, I feel the same way about weapons carried by teachers – and I imagine those would be far more effective.


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